To lazy to come up with a good title

It's the middle of winter and I find myself watching Netflix, reading, playing apps on my devices r just surfing the Internet because I just don't feel like doing anything else. As a writer I feel like I'm wasting valuable time but a writer needs to stop and take a coffee break--even if the coffee break seems lasts weeks with minimal writing and brain storming on your part. You need to rest from your work. Don't feel bad. Time away from your work proves to be good for you and your writing.  You can wear yourself out quickly, especially when your trying to write your material and you are not ready to write it. There's nothing like a refreshed mind to rev the imagination.
I reviewed a piece of writing I had done a while back. I remember it was I pushed myself too hard to finish it only to rewrite the whole thing. Not only should I have rested my brain, but it was a complete waste of time. Time I could have had to recuperate. So if you're feeling you need a break, take it. Winter time is my lazy time. I found that out from tracking my work by date. I wrote the most in spring when my energy up and summer when it's too hot to go outside. So hibernate for as while if you need to, you might find inspiration in a movie but please, rest when you're tired.

My had my own 50 Shades made and ready to go at 14 year-old

Split by MugenMusouka at Deviantart.com

I used to go to bed with the same fantasy playing in my head. My eyes affixed to a small clipping of the hottest boy in Tiger Beat or Bop magazine. I'd memorized his cute face and picture him in school, talking to me, holding my hand, taking me to a dance or kissing me. Soon my little fantasies took on a whole story with a plot and he was the star and he was his starlet.
I found myself going back to one fantasy over and over. The Victorian setting was perfect for my ideal guy to own a mansion and to employ me as his maid. I know this is generic but I was young. Maids are good for many things, aren't they?
When I got older, there was more going on in my story than kissing and dusting my "master's" vases. He had a mansion and a lot of rooms, so naturally a teenage girl's mind is hormonally charged with ideas seen in movies, sex scenes in books or information heard from her best friend about third base.
I would have to confess my imagination at a young age was "ripe" and would rival the adopted lie that women aren't nearly as perverted as men. I, for one, blame my genetics. Instilled in me is some of the most obscene things and lucky for most people they do not see that when they look at my "sweet" face.
In my fantasies I was irresistible and whoever I was infatuated with at the time would play the part of my "master"; River Phoenix, Leonardo DiCaprio, my crush in school there was a lot of those. The list goes on ; singers, actors, real people. Until my man's face started to take a specific form and specific characteristics stuck. He ended up with pitch-black hair because he's dark and mysterious, of course. Big sapphire eyes to melt my insides to mush. They would seemingly glow in the dark as he would watch me perform my "duties", making his bed wink*. His eyes were the focal point in ever mini-movie i made; it's always the part of him I remember precisely. Eyes are the windows of the soul. He was tall because he overpowers me when he's greedy or he can look down on me when he's admiring my precious face. His frame was always obscured under a dark cloak; he always wore black. I couldn't make up my mind what he looked underneath because I was only fourteen or fifteen. Aside from brief nudity in movies, I had never seen a man naked before. So he stayed covered. Still, beneath his black cape intrigued me. I often left his body something to wonder about even after knowing what a my ideal man would look like. Even teasing myself was titillating. He eventually had to take his cloak off, of course. His slender, yet firm and strong body could carry me to his bed. s know it's lame but it happened, in my head! Hey, this is the stuff ladies think about every night or at least I do. Sounds like something out of a Harlequin book but I assure you my ideas dive further into the inappropriate than romantic. I like crossing lines and breaking laws. wink if you only knew what that meant, ha!
I  perfected his face, his body and his personality until characteristics I've left out still screamed at me. I love blonds and most guys I like happen to be blond so I decided I needed to be fought over. of course, I'm irresistible, remember? My "master's" rival  had to be equally handsome yet completely opposite in every way; he would take on the traits I wanted to use but couldn't on my dark knight.Where my blue eyes God was sweet, his rival had to be vicious. If one had secrets the other had more. If one laughed the other cries. I created the rival in contrast to my first man. My second lover has gray eyes, lighter than the deep blue of my first lover. His hair varied from blond to brown because he could never be the black like my first. They never truly had names; just the dark man and the light man, with an occasional last name for dialogue purposes.

"Oh, I shant, Mr. Thompson, I shant!"

I know it's lame but it happened!

  art by evillittlecherry at deviantart.com

When I wrote my first stories down I realized these men needed names. I designated a color to each. Red and Grey. Red can be a first name and the word itself signifies a dominate, deep, primary color just like my first dark dream lover. Grey can be a first or last name and the color signifies lightness from darkness or an in between color which this lover always signified in my fantasies.
I wrote down my bedside erotica for myself but both Red and Grey began to develop hearts and minds and my stories started to build up. Before I knew it, a structure of a real story was taking form.



art by Yoonsik at Deviantart.com

Now, I have a series I've written based on these two teen-hood fantasies. Pull, the first novel in the series sets the stage of the old fantasies I rehearsed in my head over and over again. Red is still the dark and mysterious lover and Grey is his wicked rival. They both became anchors to the entire Sanctuary series.

 

Art by Quiss at Deviantart.com

 

I always wanted to play the Violin, so Aiden Grey now plays it for me.





 Aiden Grey is looks out for his brothers, warning them of his father's wrath. He's the one they look up to because their father doesn't talk to anyone else but Aiden. Aiden shares the same ability as his father. Telepathy can go along way with Ryan Grey, a man with many secrets. But even Aiden can't get through the thick wall his stoic father had built.  For Aiden, he's the only one that can get his foot in the door. Standing beside him as he makes his important decisions and being the one that sees what others can not see is not a privilege. The burden of trying to please a cold father is like defrosting a glacier in the Arctic. But Aiden can please his father by doing one thing. Playing the violin seems to please him even just for a little while. Aiden plays for him, the one thing he knows he can do to perfection, often wondering at the same time what makes his father so sad.
 

The birth of a character can come from anywhere. The violin from my childhood was the birth of Aiden Grey. I had needed a devise to please Grey in his cold state; remembering his lost love, Violet. The violin had always seemed like a sad instrument to me. It slow wine was something I could relate to as a child. School was always a great stress to me and still is a source of great sadness for me. For Grey I had to reach deep inside and find something to try and console him. I first set my eyes on a violin at school during an introduction to the start of a band and orchestra program. I wanted to play the Violin but to add to my sadness my family had no money for such a thing. So Aiden plays the violin for me and he plays it for Grey, the lost soul in my series.

People I see everyday; acquaintances I meet once in a while; strangers I've spoken to once or never spoken to all all. Working in retail, I come across inspiring people everyday. Some more taxing than others but inspiring none the less. There's a young girl that comes into the book store I work in. She has short blond hair, boyish mannerisms and a strikingly handsome face. When I had first helped her I couldn't stop looking at her. Her attractiveness caught my attention in such a way that every time she comes in to read the comic books and graphic novels I need to see her. That attraction to that particular girl helps me with one particular character in my Sanctuary novels. I've named her Sonny and she has blond hair and a face just like the girl in the book store. The feelings I felt towards the girl in the book store are represented in Sonny. She's drawn towards Violet, my heroine in the Sanctuary novels. My curiosity about the same sex is also expressed through her. It's a wonderful discovery and an interesting journey when real people inspire real emotions that repeat in your writing.


Things you desire and things that are precious to the writer can inspire you to write about someone who would own the piece or come across the particular object. My husband purchased a telescope for me one Christmas. I had wanted one for such a long time because I look to the stars often at night and often wondered about the big picture. That telescope helped me get to know those stars and planets I loved dreaming about. Thanks to my telescope, the moon's details and luminescent presence in particular helped me write a love scene between to lovers. The telescope I have happens to sit in two of my character's bedroom. Red and Dash use them because they are symbolic of their higher power and their great wonder about the universe.

Places can be precious to characters as they are to you. When I was little, my sister and I went camping with my grandma, uncle and aunt to the Catskill Mountains. There was a double lake and forests surrounding it, all on top of a mountain. Those early memories of a beautiful place had influence on my main character Red in my Sanctuary novel series. He created a sanctuary that looks very much like the place I cherished as a little girl. The natural beauty, the smell of the fresh air and sounds of the country carried over to my novel, the setting of my entire Sanctuary series.

The past whether it's history or your own past can inspire not only story plots but characters. When I was little I was chased by a boy my mother babysat. At a young age, I was in love with love and the idea of a boy chasing me was one of the most exciting things I remember at such a young age. My first boyfriend and my second boyfriends (now my husband) created a jealous love triangle. I never would have thought I'd be fought over but secretly loved every moment of it. Love is the running theme in all of my stories. The love triangle from my teen  years makes a repetitive appearance in the Sanctuary Novels. One of the main characters, Violet is constantly chased after figuratively and literally.
History in general I love and plays in my many of my stories. Red, my protagonist in the Sanctuary novels was born in the Victorian era; discovered his hybrid abilities in the Great Depression; learned to fine tune his inherited powers during The Great War (WWI) and tracked his first Hybrid during the World War II. A have an outline of a story that takes place in the 80's about a bunch of friends that find a towns legend to be true. Another story outline I have takes place in the Victorian era about a girl who purchased into a secret society.

You always put a little or a lot of yourself in your characters even if their villains, you are part of their make up. Their fear and pain could be your fear and pain. Your hero's obstacles maybe your own. Their personality make up came from somewhere and who better than to know the character than the author. One of my heroes also plays the villain, transforming from one to the other and back again. This expression of transformation is one I relate to considerably. I've been betrayed and have been the betrayer. Unresolved issues that still hurt like open wounds have great weight in my novels. Grey, a main character in Pull, believed that his best friend Red would never hurt him. Red has saved his life and given him a second chance when his past seemed unforgivable, Red was the one who showed mercy; helped lead Grey to a better life. But as the story unfolds, Grey makes Red the enemy out of jealous over a girl they both fall in love with. No longer trusting his best friend Grey converts back to being the man he used to be; becoming the villain in the series.

Sometimes your characters hold all your secrets out like dirty laundry. One character of mine takes pleasure in watching other couples. Another hates that she's a girl and binds her breasts. My heroine has more than one lover. These interesting details often display certain "quirks" or "desires" that the story teller often adds to make these characters interesting. They come from somewhere...more often than not they are aspects of the author herself. Wink*

 

Is a crow just a big black bird?

I recently made it known that I was in much need of a glass jar to display my button collection. My husband comes home with an enormous jar 9'' high and 5 inches wide; too big to display something as humble as tiny buttons. I took my buttons I've been storing in a plastic bag and dumped into the spacious jar. To my surprise it looks lovely.
The one inch space the buttons took left the rest empty but I thought to myself, is it really emptiness that that males it look so lovely. It's the hope of filling it and the joy of slowly doing so.
Objects are symbols. They're representation is only relevant when we give them meaning.

An engagement ring.
A photo of a loved one passed on.
A lucky rabbits foot.
A song that brings back a memory, though not an object the sound is carried through one.

Even if the meaning is negative it is still meaningful.

A cluttered closet is cluttered mind. Is it a coincidence you feel better in a organized home?
A empty room is loneliness. There's no one there not even a chair.
A forgotten teddy bear slumped over with dust on it's glassy eyes. Could it be this bear has a heart? I can imagine it may be crying.

Objects are just as symbolic in life as they are in fiction. In my first novel Pull, two specific objects make their appearance and do so in my second novel. Their symbolism doesn't change with my characters as they mean the same thing to one character as it does to another. Symbols and signs carry weight because to everyone it's meaning is similar. Like dreams of snakes can mean death or rebirth, depending on the dreamer, yet death is also seen as a rebirth and in that they are similar.
Darkness is negative.
Lightness is positive.
These things are represented the same in nearly every culture.
Is not the night filled with stars and a bright moon? Positive even in darkness.
The clouds shroud the moon, and the natural light is no more. Destroying the positive.
When you are reading a story take note of the objects in the way they are represented and it gives clues to the inner workings of the character and even the plot resolution.
In Pull, one object the protagonists tinkers with is a music box that he once brought home to his sick mother. When the object is first introduced, it is dismantled in pieces on his writing desk, no longer in use for the purpose it had before. The owner, Red, keeps it as it used to be his mothers. This object will later appear in the series with a similar purpose to wake a loved one from their slumber, but with a different owner.
You give objects their meaning and this is very important in fiction as objects are like shells in sifted sand. Its very presence is important to the story. How many things do you have, make such a presence in your life?
My button jar isn't nearly full but hope-full.

Here's a few other objects I placed in my novel series for symbolism fun whether the reader knows it or not:
Aspen tree: Overcoming fear.
Oak tree: Strength and courage.
Day Lily: Wish for a baby boy.
Rose: Beauty, love, purity.
Phoenix: death, purification, rebirth.
Bee: regeneration, fruitful activity, feminine, growth, motherhood.
Crow: Red is the book 1 protagonist who shape shifts into a crow, Omen (good and bad), associates with the darkness, keeper of the sacred law, messenger.
Red Tailed Hawk: Guardian, protection, healing, safety, long life, higher perspective.
Owl: Vigilance, acute wit, patience, keen sight, solitude, time, harbinger of new cycles.
Dog: Grey is a character throughout the Sanctuary novels shape shifts into a Alaskan Husky dog, it's a tradition that Huskies are named by their personality and in Grey's case he is a gray area character; he is both the hero and the villain (both light and dark). Dogs: guardian of secrets, faith, loyalty, friendship, power over life and death.
Music box: Call back a loved one from slumber, memory.
Victorian pocket watch: Victorian era, time, reminder of purpose. (in Pull Red carries one. He was born in this era. He gives this watch later in book 2 which its purpose is "enhanced".)
Violet: The name of the character my protagonist falls in love with whose aura is blue. Little blue flower, affection, virtue, faithfulness.
Feather: Center of existence, innocence, trust. (in Pull Grey gives Violet a feather necklace which later is ripped from her neck)

*Pull is my first novel in the Sanctuary series.

art by derSheltie at Deviantart.com

"Fear me and nothing else."

These are the words my protagonist says to his love to keep her at a distance, unfortunately he not as perfect as he was made to be and will break his own rules over and over again.

You're not perfect, but what if your purpose is perfection, and without it people die. What if there's a life set before you with a precise line for you to follow? Your weakness is that you found something you never thought you'd desire is the one thing  that makes you imperfect. You want nothing more than to veer off the path and change the course so that you can be with the one you can't live without. But if you do this, others will suffer. Your very purpose is stained with imperfection.
 Love makes you do crazy things.
Red is one of the main characters in my novel Pull, who battles with a higher self over a forbidden love that weakens his ability, in turn hurts his kind for this imperfection. Red is torn between what he has to do and what he so desperately wants to do. Will he do it?

I want her to be mine.
I know I'm wrong.
-Pull excerpt unrevised.

I hold Red dear to my heart. He's the reflection of the inner spark that threatens each day to breakout.  I hold him tightly inside myself just as the laws in his world tie him down. We all follow a pattern and we yearn to break it. Red's a wonderful character to express the need to deviate from the normal and finally strive for something more than what is placed in front of you. He discovers what happens when you choose between your hearts longing desire and the logical path of the mind. Ignoring one will destroy something or someone. Would make such a sacrifice?

 

The eyes do not rest because behind them is a principled mind reminding Red, he is the Guardian. -Pull excerpt unrevised.

 

picture by HearThisPlease at Deviantart.com

 

Red writes and I write. Of course, Red is only a fictional character I think maybe he is more than that. But none the less I am him and he is me all the same. Although, I've only started writing for a few of years, Red has been a writer all his life. He's shown me that this ability had always been inside of me. I just had to give in to the spark and let it ignite into a burning flame until it cannot be doused.
Passion is like a flame.
When it burns you can't put it out. It takes hold of your being. Your soul sings. It's love in it's purest form because it's who you really are.  I shall hope you know this feeling. Not many people find their passion or the love of their life. You may have spoken to someone who has, so then you can see how bright their flame burns. They're like a candle in a dark room.

Red fell in love. This was not in his purpose, yet it is the only thing he feels is the truth to his being. His mistakes and flaws recreate who he is and everyone around him. He urges me every day to do the same, no matter what. I must think my stories to life. I have to keep writing.

 

First things first read the idiot's guide and research, research, research

So I'm researching query letters and on my break at work I'm reading the Idiot's Guide to query letters. I'm reading blogs and articles online query query query... I come across an article on Self-publishing. I had originally planned to self-published bypassing the "hard work" in getting a publishing house to except my work. If you can even get noticed. This article said to do both!
Have my cake and eat it? Oh yes!
I can upload my novel as an e-book (an electronic book or digital representation of a book read on a digital device, such as smart phones, e-readers, tablets and computers) Through a self-publishing site, I can sell Pull on Amazon, iTunes, and Barnes and Noble all at once. I can choose to print my book, but of course that's where you have to pay the big bucks. With an e-book I can sell it at a reduced cost or even for free and I get more profit than I would a major publisher. While self-publishing it, I can query about the same book, earning credit at the same time.
Don't get me wrong, it's not about the money, it's about people reading my work. This is the one thing I've stuck to because I've finally found something to be passionate about. It would be awesome to make money while doing it, sure! I could use money for a house we'll eventually buy or a baby that's not yet born. But first and foremost is sharing my work. making it into a movie.
I can't wait to get to the feedback from my beta readers. I can't wait to polish up Pull and have it available for download.

Art by Merkotoz

New To Do List:

• Polish and edit Pull (book one of the Sanctuary novels).
• Coffee.
• Find a book cover artist or a royalty free graphic for Pull.
• Research more on LuLu.com for my self publishing needs.
• More coffee.
• More Blink 182 listening for positivity.
• Work on book 2, working title: Gravity.
• Continue reading on query letters.

Three is my favorite number

Blink 182 released their Dogs Eat Dogs EP. This is a big deal for me. New music is always a tool I utilize to jump start the creative process for my stories. Blink 182 especially is important to me. Being that they are my favorite band in the entire world, using new music by them always blows my mind. They hit the right chords to my heart and their lyrics call to me like they were written just for me. I love them so much.
I'm at a point in my writing that I can use their help again. They write their music from their experiences from young teenagers to a thirty-something year-old. It makes them relevant to me and who I am. I'm a little younger than the band, but even as a 33 year-old I feel like a 23 year-old. Hopefully I don't write like a 5 year-old. What's my age again? <---that's one of their songs!


Tome DeLonge, Mark Hoppus, Travis Barker.
Blink-182

Book two is a Sanctuary novel. I'm not sure about the the title yet, but for now it's called Gravity. There's three main characters, troubled teenage boys who are called upon to help Violet, one of the main characters in my first book, Pull. With new music from Blink, I can revise my written work thinking in the mind set of these 16 and 17 year-old boys, who's lives seem so hopeless to them.
I call them "The Three". (Alex, Gabriel and Dash) I can't wait for you to meet them.

I've got a feeling, I've got a feeling

These broken nights and bitter ends

We would always starve and devour

Our closest friends my beautiful friends

Paranoia my paranoia

Can't let it go, it never lets me go

What am I feeling, why am I feeling

Forecast into the freezing cold

 

Dogs eating dogs, dogs eating dogs, dogs eating dogs

Dogs eating dogs, dogs eating dogs, dogs eating dogs

 

I'm the last and the first in a very sad set of eyes

To the bone, to the knees, to the factory line

I am numb to the shot, I have a crippling fear of heights

'Cause the fall sounds a lot like a symphony of cries

 

Your only hope is burning down the chapel

All getting washed out with the tide

We need to find some middle ground

It's always sex or suicide

-Dogs Eating Dogs by Blink-182