"Fear me and nothing else."

These are the words my protagonist says to his love to keep her at a distance, unfortunately he not as perfect as he was made to be and will break his own rules over and over again.

You're not perfect, but what if your purpose is perfection, and without it people die. What if there's a life set before you with a precise line for you to follow? Your weakness is that you found something you never thought you'd desire is the one thing  that makes you imperfect. You want nothing more than to veer off the path and change the course so that you can be with the one you can't live without. But if you do this, others will suffer. Your very purpose is stained with imperfection.
 Love makes you do crazy things.
Red is one of the main characters in my novel Pull, who battles with a higher self over a forbidden love that weakens his ability, in turn hurts his kind for this imperfection. Red is torn between what he has to do and what he so desperately wants to do. Will he do it?

I want her to be mine.
I know I'm wrong.
-Pull excerpt unrevised.

I hold Red dear to my heart. He's the reflection of the inner spark that threatens each day to breakout.  I hold him tightly inside myself just as the laws in his world tie him down. We all follow a pattern and we yearn to break it. Red's a wonderful character to express the need to deviate from the normal and finally strive for something more than what is placed in front of you. He discovers what happens when you choose between your hearts longing desire and the logical path of the mind. Ignoring one will destroy something or someone. Would make such a sacrifice?

 

The eyes do not rest because behind them is a principled mind reminding Red, he is the Guardian. -Pull excerpt unrevised.

 

picture by HearThisPlease at Deviantart.com

 

Red writes and I write. Of course, Red is only a fictional character I think maybe he is more than that. But none the less I am him and he is me all the same. Although, I've only started writing for a few of years, Red has been a writer all his life. He's shown me that this ability had always been inside of me. I just had to give in to the spark and let it ignite into a burning flame until it cannot be doused.
Passion is like a flame.
When it burns you can't put it out. It takes hold of your being. Your soul sings. It's love in it's purest form because it's who you really are.  I shall hope you know this feeling. Not many people find their passion or the love of their life. You may have spoken to someone who has, so then you can see how bright their flame burns. They're like a candle in a dark room.

Red fell in love. This was not in his purpose, yet it is the only thing he feels is the truth to his being. His mistakes and flaws recreate who he is and everyone around him. He urges me every day to do the same, no matter what. I must think my stories to life. I have to keep writing.

 

First things first read the idiot's guide and research, research, research

So I'm researching query letters and on my break at work I'm reading the Idiot's Guide to query letters. I'm reading blogs and articles online query query query... I come across an article on Self-publishing. I had originally planned to self-published bypassing the "hard work" in getting a publishing house to except my work. If you can even get noticed. This article said to do both!
Have my cake and eat it? Oh yes!
I can upload my novel as an e-book (an electronic book or digital representation of a book read on a digital device, such as smart phones, e-readers, tablets and computers) Through a self-publishing site, I can sell Pull on Amazon, iTunes, and Barnes and Noble all at once. I can choose to print my book, but of course that's where you have to pay the big bucks. With an e-book I can sell it at a reduced cost or even for free and I get more profit than I would a major publisher. While self-publishing it, I can query about the same book, earning credit at the same time.
Don't get me wrong, it's not about the money, it's about people reading my work. This is the one thing I've stuck to because I've finally found something to be passionate about. It would be awesome to make money while doing it, sure! I could use money for a house we'll eventually buy or a baby that's not yet born. But first and foremost is sharing my work. making it into a movie.
I can't wait to get to the feedback from my beta readers. I can't wait to polish up Pull and have it available for download.

Art by Merkotoz

New To Do List:

• Polish and edit Pull (book one of the Sanctuary novels).
• Coffee.
• Find a book cover artist or a royalty free graphic for Pull.
• Research more on LuLu.com for my self publishing needs.
• More coffee.
• More Blink 182 listening for positivity.
• Work on book 2, working title: Gravity.
• Continue reading on query letters.

Three is my favorite number

Blink 182 released their Dogs Eat Dogs EP. This is a big deal for me. New music is always a tool I utilize to jump start the creative process for my stories. Blink 182 especially is important to me. Being that they are my favorite band in the entire world, using new music by them always blows my mind. They hit the right chords to my heart and their lyrics call to me like they were written just for me. I love them so much.
I'm at a point in my writing that I can use their help again. They write their music from their experiences from young teenagers to a thirty-something year-old. It makes them relevant to me and who I am. I'm a little younger than the band, but even as a 33 year-old I feel like a 23 year-old. Hopefully I don't write like a 5 year-old. What's my age again? <---that's one of their songs!


Tome DeLonge, Mark Hoppus, Travis Barker.
Blink-182

Book two is a Sanctuary novel. I'm not sure about the the title yet, but for now it's called Gravity. There's three main characters, troubled teenage boys who are called upon to help Violet, one of the main characters in my first book, Pull. With new music from Blink, I can revise my written work thinking in the mind set of these 16 and 17 year-old boys, who's lives seem so hopeless to them.
I call them "The Three". (Alex, Gabriel and Dash) I can't wait for you to meet them.

I've got a feeling, I've got a feeling

These broken nights and bitter ends

We would always starve and devour

Our closest friends my beautiful friends

Paranoia my paranoia

Can't let it go, it never lets me go

What am I feeling, why am I feeling

Forecast into the freezing cold

 

Dogs eating dogs, dogs eating dogs, dogs eating dogs

Dogs eating dogs, dogs eating dogs, dogs eating dogs

 

I'm the last and the first in a very sad set of eyes

To the bone, to the knees, to the factory line

I am numb to the shot, I have a crippling fear of heights

'Cause the fall sounds a lot like a symphony of cries

 

Your only hope is burning down the chapel

All getting washed out with the tide

We need to find some middle ground

It's always sex or suicide

-Dogs Eating Dogs by Blink-182

 

ZZZZZzzzz

Writing is my passion. How many people find their passion in life? I do bounce from one entertaining hobby to another like my father, but I find the one thing I can't stop doing is writing. It's what I want to do when I'm at work, when I'm in the shower, when I' not at home. All of the time.
The problem is time.
I don't have enough of it.
The majority of my time I'm at work.
I'm tired.
Maybe it's Holiday time and it's me whining, but all I want to do lately is sleep and watch Netflix. Even coffee isn't giving the extra push to write something as small as this blog. I'm barely awake. A week ago I finished my first draft. I think I maybe feeling like I need a vacation from writing. I should allow my mind to rest for the new year before I start my query letter, revisions on book one and the start of my craft revisions on book two. (Book two through four are written but not revised to a readable state.)
I should rest.

I know the moment I have the spurt of energy I'll be at my desk, on my iPhone, or my Nook to jot my brains out. I should really rest.

To Do List:

• Research Query Letter examples
• Research Literary agents in my genre (Crossover teen, sci-fi, paranormal romance, speculative)
• Buy more coffee (something different, I get tired of drinking the same kind after a while)
• Start Craft revision on Book two
• Review results from beta readers/proof readers.
• Make more copies of book one for beta readers
• Listen to Blink 182 new EP
• Laundry
• Laundry
• laundry
• Coffee... ZZZZzzzzz

Thanks mom.

Picture courtesy of Nelly Smith

I opened my e-mail today and my mom has taken a picture of my first draft. As you can see she also placed it in a binder for easy reading. Don't worry, she didn't destroy it; it's only her copy. She's one of my beta readers.
Hey, I know what you're thinkin: Why on earth would you have your own mother read this? Of course she'll love it. You know how many authors have their mother read their work. Like all of them. I don't actually have proof of that. She has a great eye for detail and loves a good story. If it's not a good story she'll tell me. No, she'll probably love it anyway.
Along with my mom, I have other beta readers in mind. My sister, my aunt, my mom's friend... Seriously is your whole family gonna read it? I'm also looking outside of my immediate family. There are beta reading groups and critique groups I'm considering. The more the merrier. I need people who like paranormal romance and people who don't. People who don't read that stuff are excellent at spotting things like the pace of the story, boring dialogue, character dynamics and plot assessment. People who like that genre can tell me how they feel about my characters, it they "do it" for them. We're talking about Romance remember?

Check out this blog on the definition of paranormal romance!

Okay, What next?

My character, Red, writes with an ink pen. He logs his work in leather bound journals. He has quite the library since he's over a hundred years old. I made him my age plus a hundred.

I've completed my first book and while my beta readers read my first draft, I will begin my research on query letters. I wondered the internet for hours yesterday and found its not as easy as it sounds. For those of you who don't know what a query letter is, it's a letter introducing your book to either a publishing house or , in my case, a literary agent. I chose literary agent because they do the heavy lifting. As far as heavy lifting goes, no thanks. I've got a bad back. Not funny... sorry.
My letter will include a hook line of my novel, the second paragraph is the synopsis and the third my bio. It has to be one page or else the agent will simply disregard and move on to the next letter. I need to make my letter golden. I still need to research some more, but in the man time I will write out my synopsis. I'll be sure to post what I come up with.

The Hook: A long ass sentence reeling in the agent in before she decides to take her lunch break early. It has to be exiting and pull her in; make her want to put my letter in the yes pile. It's like the blurt you read on the back cover of a book that introduces the character, conflict and the story line. This part has to be as tight as possible. Thank god i work at a book story.

Kind of like a movie trailer with the guy with the deep voice... in a world where nobody loves you,
a garbage man named Jackson is the your only hope--from man-eating  giant inspects. Can Jackson overcome his fear of these nine legged creatures before his limps are eaten away from a deadly spider virus?.. something like that or nothing like that. Idiot!

In a world where an author has no clue how to write a query letter--the internet is her only hope for that she will one day become... a published writer. (maybe not that cheesy and dramatic but you get the idea).

The Synopsis: The synopsis will then clarify the hook with more detail like reading the inside jacket of a book or the part kids copy to turn in a book report. Yeah... I was one of those people. For shame... I have to let the agent know this book is a historical paranormal romance sci-fi musical fiction category. It's actually paranormal romance... about 79,200 words! Ole!

The Biography:
Any thing related to writing like contests, published work, awards--you know stuff I havn't done. They don't need to know I'm a self taught knitter or I hunter children for fun on the weekends. It has to be writing related and so far I only have two. This blog and joining a critique group. I'm not even sure if that counts. More research. More coffee.

With all the internet surfing I'm happy I can have distance from my work. After reading this first book like a thousand times, I probably missed somethings. That's why there's beta readers! They'll point out what I failed to see because my eyes glaze over every time I read it. I''ll need this time to plan my letter and create my hit list literary agent list.
I read in a couple of places I have to send like five out at a time and wait and then send another five. It's like fishing, someones got to bite. But first I must have the best bait.. I mean letter.

I wanted to make music, so I started writing.

The disc I burned today was my first draft to a series I've been working on for the past few years. The first draft of book one took the longest to revise since the it was skeletal in it's original form. It's taken many cups of coffee and 8 GB of music to help me structualize my story; define my characters. Paint my picture with words I know and words the thesaurus helped me with.
Right now, I'm listening to the most inspirational music one can listen to for such a victory. The epic sounds of Angels & Airwaves engages my imagination to what my finished book will look like. The manuscript on the literary agents desk in the yes pile. Yes, I will have my novel printed, sold in books stores. Even my book store where I currently work at. I will see in the bestsellers bay. The dust jacket baring my name and the title I feel sums my book up. One word.
Pull
My heart pulls in one direction: Up. I fell I can only go that way because I've been every other way. It feels good to complete this one step. It's one closer to ultimate victory, but I feel I already have that.

"Here I am, here we go, life's waiting to begin."

Original character art by Nami-mi

Character by Nami Mi. Revision by Orihichan.

 

Tom DeLonge sings these words in his song, The Adventure, by his band Angels & Airwaves. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to that one song. The first time I heard it, it brought tears to my eyes. Someone was singing to my heart. I've never experienced that before when  a song that wasn't sung by my mom or my grandma. Tom Delonge was always someone I looked to for answers. His band Blink-182 is my favorite band ever. When I listen to their music it was humorous, anger and touching. It was unlike anything I've hear. Every lyric and strum of his guitar and Mark Hoppus's bass was something meant just for me. At least if felt like it. The music called to me.
Now, Angels and Airwaves confirms a new chapter in my life and Tom's transition from pop punk to epic rock was something I was growing with. I was following the music and the music followed me.
The flow of the songs I listen to activated me in such a way it envelopes my heart and my mind into an expansive world that is invisible to the naked eye. I've always wanted to express myself as creatively as Tom does. I wanted to paint the picture. I wanted people to watch my mind movies. Feel what I feel. Fear what I fear. I wanted to make music, so I started writing.

My grandma's death gave me the emotional build up I need to begin. I started by logging her funeral and expressing my emotions within the pages of an old notebook. From that, I reread my work and found a movie scene complete with music and a heartfelt story.
If I can do this with something real, can I do it with something not so real?
Little did I know what was inside me was very real and so I began the story I've used thousands of times in my head while I listened to music. A story I fantasized since maybe fourteen years-old or so.
Of Course it's a love story.
Every aspect of me is in it.
You will read it one day.

"The stars in your eyes, light up the sky, With all it's light and fire inside." -Love Like Rockets by Angels & Airwaves.

Hey, maybe it will be a good thing down the line. Whatever that means...

As a writer, maybe I should start a blog. At first, I told myself I don't need one. I think now I still don't need one. I don't usually base anything on what I need. I go with what I feel like doing. Right now, I feel like letting people look over my shoulder as I write my stories. Let a little of myself out like toddler with his pants down. Look Mom, no willy!
My writing is precious to me. They reveal so much about me. The inner workings of an introverts mind and the weaknesses and strengths of my heart are so vulnerable for public eye. But hey, I'm feeling generous. Lucky you! If I show you mine, will you actually look at it? My thoughts not my willy, you pervs. (I don't have a willy.)

This is a big step for me.
Writing this blog is already hard. I never tell anyone anything about myself. I bet by the end of this blog you're learned nearly nothing about me. I'm covering my computer screen after I've invited you to peek. How unfair.
Does this mean I've failed already? Can I really illustrate in words the vivid mini movies that come about in my head every waking moment of my day? Can I trasfer my day dreams that will eventually be a novel? I sure hope so or the stories I've already written are just words on a white screen. I hope I can translate better here than I do in person. I'm the typical shy violet, laughing at the jokes I don't get. Singing to my own little tune while you describe your troubled relationship. Conversations with me consist of you talking and me complimenting your smile; anything to hit the ball away from my side of the court. People who know me, simply don't. People who want to get to know me won't. That's the truth. I know a lot of people say that and you can pretty much say that about anyone. Who really knows anyone? I hope this will help you get to know me.
I'll let you in.
I'll let you look over my shoulder as I write out my dark secrets, my fantasies and the weird randomness that is Mandy. You might as well read this while you wait for the laundry to dry or your while you wait for your mocha latte. While you do that, I'll frantically rack my brain for material that seems to have slipped my mind when I sat in this chair to write this blog, cursing my head off because I can't find my saved work. Crap! Did I spell plethera correctly.
(No.)
CRAP! Where's the online dictionary link I saved. I don't remember the icon. Did I erase it by accident! AAhrg! (Who spells 'arg' wrong?)
Why do I call myself a writer? because even a three year old can spell arg correctly. Right?
(what is wrong with me.)
This a big step for me. (I said that already.)
Thank you. (I'm welcome.)
Where was I...
My writing desk is where my thoughtful universe culminate into the aspects of my writing. I want to share that with you. My characters are me. That in itself is scary. My fictional stories are just another place I love to escape to. My head is in the clouds most of the time. So I might be eating lunch, but I'm actually making love to my lover. I know that's creepy if you actually know me, but don't worry I have other characters. I can be a cat prowling the alleys behind an antique shop. That's not crazy right?
(Crazy is the writer who wrote a murder scene and loved every second of it. Readers take note.)

Can I really commit to this? I hope for the readers sake.
(I can)
Thank you me.
(I'm welcome. If I can write a six book series in two years, five starting points to new stories, and a plethora of character profiles than you can write one blog.)
YES!

(Yes indeed.)